To honor and remember our beloved family members is a cathartic experience, and can be an extremely beneficial for our mind and body. Remembering lost loved ones does not have to be an inherently sad experience. On the contrary, it can uplift you and even heal you. One of the best ways to do this is by establishing a ritual.
Rituals aren’t religion, so don’t panic. They aren’t even necessarily spiritual. Rituals are simply ways we choose to remember something. When we choose to remember.
For example, on April 26, I had a piece of chocolate cake and remembered my mom. It was the twenty-first anniversary of her death. Why did I do that? Because my family celebrated birthdays and anniversaries with chocolate cake topped with mom’s delicious caramel frosting (we always insisted that she double the recipe). I continue to celebrate family milestones even though most of my family has died. But I bought the piece of cake.
While I ate it I thought of the time we baked a Marionberry pie and, when we pulled it out of the oven and it overflowed onto the floor, we laughed so hard my dad rushed into the room to join in the fun. None of us could explain why it was so funny. On April 26 I also remembered the moment in March 1995 when mom asked me to stay in Salem, Oregon, a bit longer, because she “wasn’t going to be here much longer.” While I didn’t understand how intuition worked back then, I heard the truth of what she was saying—and left anyway. Yes, I still regret that decision.
This last weekend it was Father’s Day, so I stopped for a moment and celebrated my dad, who died June 30, 1995. I thought about how we used to work together in his store—he was a pharmacist and had a gift store, and I was a clerk from the seventh grade right through college. I laughed a bit at the memory of us working together, because on this Father’s Day we were working together again through ritual.
Good memories, sad memories, they’re all part of life. Would we do something different if given the chance for a do-over? Maybe. Maybe not. Life is about next times, and we live them the best we can.
I encourage you all to stop and set a time, even ten minutes, to create a ritual to honor your ancestors, those you knew before they died and those stretching back centuries. This time for a ritual will help establish a connection between you and your beloved dead. If you set a regular monthly time to do that, great, or choose an anniversary.
HERE’S SOME TIPS ON HOW TO ESTABLISH A RITUAL:
- Set the place: arrange pictures and mementos, candles, flowers, a beach rock, even a piece of cake. Use items that mean something to you, and even to them, if you know what those are.
- Invite your spirit guide to filter for you. (You do have a relationship with a strong spirit guide, don’t you? It’s critical.)
- Get yourself grounded, balanced, and energetically shielded.
- Invite your ancestor(s) to join you.
- Relive the memories, good and bad.
- Invite your deceased loved ones to comment.
- When you feel the ceremony is complete, thank everyone for joining you and remove the “place setting” (this breaks the circle, allowing the energy to flow).
- Cleanse yourself with salt, a clearing spray, a walk.
Cherish the memories. Let them help heal you. And connect with those we’ve lost.
Note that some people think that honoring the dead on the anniversary of their death is morbid, keeps the energy stuck, and otherwise isn’t healthy. I disagree. Create your ritual, your time to connect, on a day that means something to you, even a set time of the week or month. Our experiences shape us, and honoring our ancestors (including our animal family) on these days is sacred, uplifting, energizing, and healing. As we all know, there’s never too much of that.
© 2016 Robyn M Fritz
